Pleasure, A Close Cousin to Negative Emotion

I started another blog post but got hungry. While searching for some research on my post, I found this paragraph below that I wrote in my capstone for grad school. Because I'm craving a yummy breakfast - I'm taking the easy way out of this post opportunity by copying and pasting something else I wrote. Read and you'll see how my hunger/ desire for food is affecting this opportunity for expansion, for giving you something bigger:

"I want to distinguish the difference between positive emotions and bodily pleasures. While they feel good, bodily pleasures do not function like positive emotions. The positive experience of sexual stimulation, a massage, yummy chocolate cake, or a warm blanket on a cold winter day, do not lead the way to flourishing. In fact, bodily pleasures are close cousins to negative emotions by the way they similarly narrow one’s mindset to focus on satisfying a desired action. Unlike negative emotions, rather than moving away from something [like danger], we are drawn to the craved experience (Fredrickson, 2009)."

Pleasure isn't bad, it just doesn't necessarily lead you to being your biggest self, to growing, to expanding - because you can't look up until satisfied. There's a role for pleasure, because damn, it feels good! Just know it has limits on how it can actually serve your intentions.

Quickly signing off for some bruncheroo action.

Best
S

Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. New York: Crown Publisher.

Boundaries in Boundlessness

The challenge of being a human is that you have two arms, two legs, one head, and so on. You have 24 hours. And you have needs that need to be met - like sleep, food, sex, friends, family, money, etc.

Yet. At the same time. You are limitless. You are boundless. The possibilities for your imprint have no horizon.

Everyone great has the same limits you do. Everyone has the same time. I know you and your problems are special - so are mine. But so what?

So what are you going to do with your limits? Use them as a creative challenge. Use them to rub you into action. Use them to squeeze, to wrap, to wind, to twist around, in, between, above, and below. Be like water with them - flow, with ease, get through the cracks, rush with elegance, cleanse the unclean, nourish the dry, give life to what's yet to be born.

Use your boundaries as a way to get into your boundlessness.

Doing my best to expand with flow. As much for me as this is for you.
s

numb is dumb - hope is dope

Stress, shock, stuff that sucks - is inevitable. But how you deal can have big effects on your health. I was reading Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom by Christiane Northrup - one of my favorite books. Most transforming. And I re-found this:

People who see their situation as hopeless actually release opioidlike substances (enkephalins) that numb cells of their bodies - making them incapable of destroying cancer cells and bacteria. It's not stress that creates immune problems, it's the perception of stress being inescapable. It's the feeling of not having control that kind of tells your cells - indeed, you are not in control.

What's disarming, mysterious, and wild is how sometimes our beliefs (established perceptions of the world) are lodged deep - so much so we don't even know (as in consciously, with our intellect).

So what do with this:
1. Be open to the fact that you may be a passenger to certain beliefs that don't serve you.
2. Know that you can un-do them or find them out with the help of hypnotherapy and other mental/spiritual health professionals.
3. Let yourself feel it. Cry if you want to cry. Scream if you want to scream. Move if you want to move. Don't ask why first - let yourself experience and the answer will come after.
4. Remember, you can create beliefs, destroy beliefs, and choose beliefs. You are in control.

S

Thank you 20's

On the last 24 hours of my 20's here I go.

Thank you life for what you are.
Thank you lessons for getting me here.
Thank you loved ones. Family. Blood. Friends who are family. New friends. Strangers. People I pass on the street who smile. Thank you all.
Thank you NYC for being my home.
Thank you cozy-1-br-with-bricks-and-patches-of-friendly-grass.
Thank you coffee for my mornings.
Thank you body for being there, each second. Working beyond my knowing. Being my knowing.
Thank you possessions. My mac, my phone, my green t-shirt, my glasses, my key chains, my fur, my candles, my new laptop bag, my socks, soft toilet paper, great bronzer, all things, thank you.
Thank you universe. For today. For every moment up to now. For now. For what's to come. For it all.

How Success Sucks: The Anti-Climax

This theme has been coming up a lot amongst my friends and clients (and I experienced it a few times myself) so thought I'd dig into this rather unspoken context: the messy, anti-climactic, depressing nature of success.

If you are feelin it, just know, I think you're normal.

I recently started another Incubator Workshop, reveling in the bad-ass-you-go-girl-you-rock-my-world entrepreneurs that I have the privilege of knowing and working with. In just 9 months one of my participants created a jewelry line that's ready to be sold on QVC and she is entertaining offers to sell her company before even officially launching (HOT). Even though she is making her wildest dreams come true she confessed, after receiving her product fully manufactured, and showing and telling in the Incubator: "I'm so ready to be done with this shit. I cried my eyes out for days when I received the final product. I'm exhausted. I don't know why I feel this way. But I'm done. I'm over it. Is there something wrong with me?"

Another friend who recently put her NYC pad up for sale and got an offer in two weeks calls me shakily, "Stell, I'm tender. This couldn't have gone better...but I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm out of it. I'm not myself. I'm trying my hardest to keep it together."

Had I not experienced a total melt-down after pulling off a supremely awesome conference in November, I wouldn't have been able to understand what my friends/clients are going through. After Dream it! Launch it! Live it! - a-couldn't-have-asked-for-anything-more-successful-conference, I totally lost it. I couldn't finish my sentences. I was depressed. I was ickey and anxious and irritable. WTF?

So here's my theory: the process of creation is F'in uncomfortable. In fact, if you think about how babies are born, it's usually painful. Moving from one state into total newness means leaving or departing from something you know. In creation, there may be destruction of the former. Postpartum isn't just for moms - it can apply to anyone birthing new ideas into life. Perhaps the ick factor of success realized can be contributed to mourning the loss of the old (baby in belly, idea in heart, life as it was) contrasted with vulnerable, here-I-am-finally-here anticipated results.

I'm not saying all success comes with pain or anti-climax, just saying, if you happen to be lucky enough to ARRIVE, and it's not all you thought, and you're not feeling what you expected, you may just be experiencing some normal, uncomfortable, tension - and you're not messed up.

So what's the remedy? My remedy to most things is gratitude. Drinking in the privilege of the moment. Staying present. So present. Don't feel guilty, don't feel bad, just do your best to be loose, relaxed, and nurture yourself with rest.

I guess this is a long way of affirming, "it's about the journey and not the destination."

Does this make sense to anyone? Have you experienced this?

Best,
S

Play Tour: Upper West Side

You know when you just feel "uggh.." that's how I was feeling for a few days. Maybe it was the non-stop rain, hormones, or the pressure I put on myself. Whatever it was, the un-enthusiasm I had for the past few days was totally un-inspiring. If I can't feel the flow, the magnificence, the wonder - than how the hell can I lead others in that direction? I see fixing my crunk as not only personally beneficial but also as public service (which is how we should all see it in my opinion). 1) because negative emotions are contagious 2) i'm not giving my best if i don't feel happy. There is a time and place for negative emotion. I value negativity. So I honored it - examined it - and chose to manipulate as much as I could to ascend beyond the pits of blah.

I started on Saturday, but didn't nip it in the bud. So I continued hard core on Sunday. I reached for whatever interventions were closest, easiest, and required least planning.

Imagine your emotions along a continuum...I was doing whatever I could to budge up just one notch. With each notch I felt flow and momentum sweep me up to a new level. All you have to do is inch, and the rest is handled. Just make a decision to shift and you're already on your way.

Manipulating your mood - to feel authentically better (I'm talking without drugs) - is a bit experimental. See it as that. Some things will work. Others won't. Some will work sometimes and not other times. Just keep trying. Don't get discouraged. Figuring out what does the trick is also revealing - it might also help expose the root.

On Sunday I literally dropped everything to focus on me - and what would make me happy. I had plans for a lot of work and being "productive" - but creating out of crunkiness is not what I want to let out in this world.

So here's what I resorted to...


1. Music - didn't really work
2. Exercise - didn't really work
3. Delicious breakfast: scrabbled eggs with tomatoes and goat cheese, date/tamarind dipping sauce, sprout salad on the side. And good coffee. And a good book. - Now we're talking. Started to feel better.
4. Youtubing spiritual talks - bingo! I needed to hear what I already knew. So easy to forget. It's helpful to have another voice coach you. You do know it all (somewhere deep inside)...but it's hard to integrate in isolation. Sometimes reading, listening, or watching someone you find inspiring can do the trick.
6. Putting on make-up - looking good helps. Studies prove it.
7. Taking a long-ass walk - wandered 40 or so blocks on the upper west side with great music. I sang it outloud. I grooved down the sidewalks. Music helped me now because I was budged up a notch.
8. Stumbling into different stores along my long-ass walk. I let myself discover, wander, and appreciate newness.
9. Taking pictures along the way - enabled both savoring of beauty and moments and also built up memory box of feeling good.
9. Visiting the Planetarium in the Natural History Museum in NYC - I have a new fascination with stars. I just visited the Planetarium in Boston last week. I remembered it made me feel good. So I did it again. I couldn't handle brainstorming and researching activities in NYC - so I did what I knew would work.
10. Being with a friend. I made sure to schedule time with a friend on a Sunday night. Sunday nights are always a bit extra ughh for me. They bring me back to school-nights. So giving myself something to look forward to is key.
11. Buying roses for me.
12. Buying gifts for friends.
13. Writing thank you notes on note cards I really dig.
14. Going to sleep, like now.

up a few notches.
s

Play Tour: Boston Museum of Science

I LOVED the Boston Museum of Science. I was reminded in traveling through the cosmos in the Planetarium and in watching the Lightening Show that we are made up of the stuff of the universe, that we are electric, that we are magnetic, that we are small, like the earth is relative to the thousands of planets out, but yet, we are each special.

As I write I want to delete. Because ugghh, such regular words don't capture the heightened sensation of connectiveness, awe, and delight that I got from receiving and engaging in the discoveries of the galaxy.

The thing with museums, which is my one thing against them, is that they require a lot of reading. Unless you happen to know it all. The reading is exhausting and interrupts the flow.

Overall, though. It was fun. I didn't want to leave.

In terms of the actual place. I think their strengths are in providing interactive, dynamic exhibits. They scatter topics and vary topics - so you are bound to find something you like. There's always a "show" playing or a demo of something happening. While design-wise it feels like a mall and is way too shiny and aesthetically un-inventive, the content and curation of content make it amazing.

This was play for two big ones:
1. Discovery - I learned, I got to choose my own path throughout the museum, I was surprised by the content.
2. Wonder - I reveled in the magnitude of what's possible. what could me more wonder-inspiring?
3. The whole point of the experience was to align, absorb, and engage in the wonders of life - all that was required was showing up with curiosity. That's play for moi.


best,
s

Play Tour: Laughing Yoga in Brooklyn

Friday night. Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Loft space with illustrated floors, lively plants, treasures scattered around the room wanting you to look.

There were eight of us. Two of us new to Laughter Yoga. Me being one of them.

There was just a tad of, "oh boy, Stella, why are you here?"

We started out in a circle and introduced ourselves as vegetables. I was a juicy tomato still warm from the sun. Others were asparagus, creamy avocado, crispy english cucumber, sexy radish, spicy hot, red pepper, garlic, and beet. We lovingly put something "in" to the circle and also "released" something from the circle. I put "in" Playing Big and I released "hesitation."

There we were, a whole day's worth of vitamins. Uncertain of how it would go.

So we did all sorts of silly things to make the faking fun such as giving our sexy laugh, giving our timid laugh, etc. We pretended to be animals, we moved our hips, we rolled our tongues out, and I rolled around all over the ground - one of my favorite moments. We spoke in laugh like it was words. We played Hokey Pokey in laugh. And eventually I got to a point where I watched myself laughing - almost like breathing - without consciously faking it. I was just, well, laughing.

The whole idea of Laughter Yoga is "fake it till you make it" + Improv. It's like William James, famous psychologist said, feelings follow action. So do what you want to be and eventually you'll be it.

This session was total play for me because:
1. I felt free to move my body and my voice
2. There was uncertainty and invention in each step
3. I was challenged and I took risks
4. I enjoyed it
5. It created intimacy with new friends

It's not for everyone. You have to be open to being a fool. But is life worth living if you don't risk that?

On my way to Boston for the next play pit stop. Going to 5wits at Foxborough and the Boston Science Museum.

Best,
S

No pity party

Usually I assign meaning to events. By meaning, I mean, "oh, well, even though that sucked, look at what you learned, or, look how you've grown, or, if that never happened, this would have never happened." That's what I mean by meaning.

Assigning meaning to events helps cope with unexpected, perhaps, less than desired, outcomes. It gives you a way to rationalize what doesn't make sense. To wrap your head around it.

But it also is beyond that. At least for me. I believe it's about discovering the order of the world, and the truth.

Some of us don't notice meaning when we're coasting and life is good. We only find it when things go awry. But there are signs and connect-the-dots readily available to us all the time. We just have to open our eyes and choose to see.

Choosing to create meaning is about choosing a positive perspective. It doesn't mean you ignore loss, or disappointment, but you choose to create something positive from it.

This type of stuff comes in handy when you are:
1. Feeling like a victim
2. Are disappointed
3. Experience loss
4. Are in need of hope
5. Need affirmation you're on the right path

LET THE PLAYING BEGIN

Today I officially start documenting my Play Tour. The Play Tour is an effort for me to experience and learn what play really means. I'm launching a new business to help us all get a little more play in our lives. More details coming soon.

For the play tour I'll be traveling around the U.S. and the world to play. I officially kicked it off in Italy on March 10th, 2011.

In this pic, I'm running wild in the open fields of a castle's garden in Caserta, Italy, March 12th.

I loved running aimlessly, voluntarily, feeling my breath get shorter from giggles, blood rushing, and a whole, big, beautiful field for the taking.

A note about how I'll be documenting: because it's about play, the process of documenting should feel like it. So I'll discover as I go along. I'll do it because I want to. And I'll also stop when it doesn't feel fun. I also want to play with you - because it's all about being social. So please feel free to add to the mix - either by contributing your thoughts, ideas, or your own play experiences.

In the meanwhile, do share - how have you used your body to play recently? (Sex aside, please). Or, where did you unexpectedly create play?