Thursday, December 30, 2010

Distracting Toes

Yesterday marked the beginning of Stella getting her groove back on. (I'm claiming that damn line - I hear it all the freaking time).

Anyway, while I was doing yoga in my apartment I found myself obsessing about my pedicure instead of my ohm. Each time I came face to toe I noticed how I would get out of sync and start to ruminate about the new nail color on my feet. WTF?

I knew what my mind was up to. So I just put my socks on and problem solved. Ohhh how my tricky little mind loves to pick at useless shit.

Sometimes you have to outsmart your mind and create an environment where it doesn't get to take you for a spin. Because it's you and it's just the way we're and accept the jibber jabber - just consider ways to distract yourself from what's most distracting.

Here's to focus and flow.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Slippery when wet

Yesterday I was driving in snowy NJ. It was all sorts of mush. I noticed myself consciously focusing on the road and especially looking out for drivers who thought they were too cool for school. Which, is essentially how we gots to live. Right? You can only control how you drive and leave the rest up to... In addition to not being able to control where others choose to go (and how) we also can't control how they react to what we do. How nice. How scary. How easy.


Monday, December 27, 2010

How Relaxation is like Grief (Don't worry, it's all good)

If there is one thing that 2010 has taught me, it's how to respect the rest. How to honor the process of relaxation. This lesson comes on the heels of 2009, a year that was all about loss (a few relationships, some financial investments, and my vision of what I'd be by 30 (I'm still not 30)). Of course, all happens for the best, and both these challenging years have catapulted my growth as a human being unlike any other. Interestingly, I've realized that both relaxation and loss have a lot in common (at least for me).

Bear with me here...I haven't totally worked all the logic. But here are some parallels and some intersections I've noticed between the two.

1. In the most positive sense, loss is about letting go (again, I'm only speaking from my personal experience, so some of this may not feel right for you, esp if you're in the midst of it). Most of the time we don't choose to lose because it's painful.

2. But, in the end, in loss, we grow. Be it through its lessons, or the space it creates for newness, we are usually not less, but more because of our loss.

3. Relaxation, literally, is about releasing. It's about letting go. For me personally, my journey to really relax (and I mean beyond a massage) but to relax so I feel every cell in my body dance with ease, joy, lightness, looseness - this type of relaxation, getting there, is messy. Think about when you go on vacation, it usually takes a few days to get into a different rhythm right?

4. When we are relaxed, we are open, we are positive, and this yields growth. When we are stressed we're in fight or flight. This means our focus is narrowed, we are less likely to take on challenges, we are less social, and so on. Relaxation means we're in flow with the universe and can find treasures in the second.

Not sure I'm making sense but will continue...

This year was a biggie for me. Lots of things I'm proud of...lots that kept me busy...such as: finishing my masters, creating one of the largest conferences for women entrepreneurs, and moving into a new home in NYC. All this kept me plenty tense and taking time to chill actually felt bad. Even though I knew it was good for me. It got a little ugly.

If I were to paint a picture of Stella trying (in process to) relaxing it would be a flurry of stuff: I'd be wrestling a force, blindfolded, unable to see, tumbling around in a room that looks like home but is completely unfamiliar to me. I'd be hot and cold. I'd be uncomfortable. I'd be guilty and lustful, pure and clear. I'd be fidgety and still. I'd be bouncing between Heaven and Hell. I'd be black and white. I'd be depicted as confused and disoriented, yet in the perfect place. I'd be wriggling around, like a round peg in a round hole thinking it's a square. Not very relaxing is it?

But what I learned this year, and just realized about 15 minutes ago, is that achieving relaxation (especially during intense times) take time. On Saturday mornings, for example, when considering my day blocked off for nothingness, I'd begin to feel panic or guilt about all the things I could be doing, should be doing, people I could be with - I'd go through a process similar to the stages of grief- until, at last, with time, and through the journey, kicking and screaming, and with the coaxing of good friends, I'd achieve acceptance, release, and stillness.

Five Stages Of Grief (source: MHMatters) and Maybe Relaxation

1. Denial and Isolation.
-At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.
-At first, I tend to deny that I'm as stressed as I am or that I really need to chill. I also, at the same time, feel the need to isolate. Hide under the covers. And turn off all communication devices.

2. Anger.
-The grieving person may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt (even if she's dead), or at the world, for letting it happen. He may be angry with himself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.
-Yep, I'm usually angry at myself for letting myself get to this state. Stella, why don't you take steps to prevent this? You shouldn't be working so hard.

3. Bargaining.
-Now the grieving person may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"
-"God, please help me. I'm exhausted! But I have so much to do. So I'll just take this time to chill because a) I deserve it and b)I promise to be more productive tomorrow."

4. Depression.
-The person feels numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.
-"Shit. Isn't this supposed to feel good and fun? I'm bored. Why am I spending this time debating whether what I'm doing is what I should be doing or rewarding enough?"

5. Acceptance.
-This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off. The person simply accepts the reality of the loss.
-"Okay, I'm feeling the blood come back to my soul. Ahhh, yes. This is what it feels like. Normal. Balanced. I just needed time."

Hope some that of made sense. And that it was positive.

Happy New Year!

Who is in control? The apples!

Literally watching The Botany of Desire, a documentary, live, like now. Couldn't resist letting another cool "aha" escape my mind before planting its way here (so bad, I know...pun intended).

Essentially this documentary points out how plants, not us, are essentially in control. Plants such as apples, marijuana, potatoes, and tulips use humans as allies in their proliferation.

By adapting to our desires for sweetness, intoxication, beauty, and control - these plants have strategized their flourishing.

Why this is cool, what it reminded me of, and taught me:
1. We are at once in control and responsible for it all and also none of it.
2. I'm reminded again, that we are in it, with nature - not the protectors, destroyers, or observers, we are partners with it. Nature can take care of itself.
3. Flexible, seductive, creative organisms make it.
4. There's always something brilliant to learn from switching your perspective. Not just to another human, but to other organisms and non-living things.

Sumpin to chew on (goodness I'm on a roll):
Consider how you're not just the consumer or producer, but the ally or the instrument for something else at work. Honor it. It will help you get that much deeper into appreciation and the now.

Here's to flourishing.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Greeting Card Detox

Yesterday was my sister's birthday. I woke up early to write her a card. 30 minutes later I ended up laying in bed, crying over my laptop (had to write a draft), snotty in my pj's, with heart stretching. I call this episode:

Greeting Card Detox

It's happened before. It occurs when I actually give myself the space and undivided attention to truly appreciate someone I love and tell them in writing. It's not easy for me and it gets messy, but the reward is powerful.

Yesterday I realized that this process would make a really good positive intervention. Meaning, it's a tool you can add to your tool-kit of things you can do to optimize your mood. So here it goes:

I encourage you, next time you need to get out of your head or are in need of a lift, walk into a greeting card store, think of someone you love, and just read. If you have time, buy a card and spend at least 10 minutes writing to that person. By focusing on someone else and how beautiful they are you'll be experiencing a mini-love meditation. In no time you'll hopefully feel more clear and clean in mind and heart. If you're courageous enough to share it with the person you love, you'll feel even bigger in mind and heart. Get ready to cry.