knock knock...anybody there?

I'm not sure if anyone is out there anymore. But I miss Positively Stella. It's the day before I test my first early prototype of the i scream truck - something I've been dreaming up for a long time. I felt kinda blah today. I took myself out for a walk and kept whipping out all the positive interventions I usually do for a lift: gratitude, visualizations, distractions, mantras - non of it making much of a dent in my state of whateverness-wtf-am-i-doing-ness-is-this-crazy-and-does-it-matter-ness. Then I saw a cab drive by advertising the lotto for a $110MM. I asked myself - what would I do differently if I had that money? And my answer was: exactly the same thing I'm doing right now. Sure, I'd have nicer bags, a dishwasher, travel some more - but the slight relief from anti-climaticism came there. Realizing that I'm living my dream. And while I have no clue if will all transpire - I at least know that I have no regrets for not giving it a crazy go right now. I told my boyfriend, Ilya, about my not feeling the butterflies today and he said so wisely, "the stars would not shine if there were no darkness." I don't remember where he got that from - but I'm so glad I got him. Love, S