Decisions, Decisions

In the U.S. our DNA rings with freedom. We think, freedom = choice. The more choice, the better. But that’s not true. Of course, some choice is better than no choice. But MORE choice leads to paralysis and disappointment according to Barry Schwartz, author of, The Paradox of Choice. I experienced some of the pain Barry describes when apartment hunting. But my belief system conquered in the end. Here's a synopsis of his research-based theory, followed by a TED video of him demonstrating it beautifully, and then my two cents:

The more choice you have, the higher your expectations. (I want high ceilings, lots of light, easy walk to subway, new appliances, etc).

The higher your expectations, the more you pay attention to what’s “missing” in a particular option. (Oh, this place doesn't have enough closets. That one there is a walk-up.)

Because nothing is perfect, you’re inevitably stuck choosing something that clearly doesn’t meet all your expectations. (Well, the lobby sucks and looks like a dungeon, but pretty much everything else is amazing).

You choose. And yet, you remorse. You think about what you’re missing and lost out on by making the choice you did. (Shoot...if I would have kept on looking could I have found a better deal or should I have gone downtown and suck up living in a closet?)

You’re not satisfied. Because the opportunity cost subtracts away from the total benefit. (Not really true for me...keep reading and I'll tell you why).

And worse, you blame yourself. Because YOU made the choice. (I experienced this for like 10 minutes).

More choice make us feel like there’s always something better. (Of course there are better options - there always are. But a)they are not perfect, also. b)if you don't make a choice, you got nutin'. Given my timing of having to move in by December 15th and my budget - I made the best choice at that time).




Barry's work...and I told him this...is depressing. Why? Because given the state of our economy, culture, and access to information - more choice is what's being created. Here's some additional personal perspective that is true for me and saves me from being a complete victim to the paradox of choice.

1. In a certain dimension of reality, there are no mistakes or bad decisions (because we learn from both) and that helps us grow.

2. I believe that we are exactly where we need to be doing exactly what needs to be done. Even if that means messing up.

3. You don't control everything and have no way of knowing everything - once you know that, you're free.

4. Okay, say your choice sucks. Just choose again. That's what experience offers. I know you want a short cut to the best choice. But sometimes, it's not available.

5. The best way to shortcut, however, is to know what you really, really want. To be crystal clear on what's most important to you. Barry advises sitting in a dark room, alone, and thinking hard about that. Once you know what you want exactly, you'll not be taunted by the possibilities.

I trusted that I would find a great apartment and I did. It has high ceilings, exposed brick, and outdoor space. Sure, it's not perfect, but I'm happy.

Do You Choose to Suck It?

Finally, my moment had come. I was sprawled on the table. The air smelled fresh. There was a scent of lemon and echninacea lacing its way through the cool still room. The lights were dim and sunset was peaking its way through the sheer, plum blinds. My sister wasn't far…we were separated by a curtain. It was just me and a big, strong Jamaican man.

And then it started.

As I was getting ready to let out my first "ahhhh" of surrender, instead a big "UGHHHHH" escaped.

SHIT! This massage therapist SUCKS!

Oh noooo! But I've been waiting so long for this.

My shoulders and my knots! The long, long nights of writing my thesis! All the build up was ready and excited to be released by this man. Oh how I had hoped he had magical hands. Instead, with every stroke, I found myself getting frustrated.

Here's what was going through my mind (sounds a bit split personality when written out - but I know you can relate):

Dude, you don't know what you're doing do you? Do you know what muscle you're working right now? You can actually damage my little shoulder blade right now. Are those yours nails I feel in in my skin?

Okay, Stella, chill out. Relax. Focus on your breath and maybe you'll just get into it. Even a bad massage is still good, right? Just speak up and let him know how to adjust.

"Sir, I can feel your finger nails in my skin. Would you mind softening up?"

Of course! Of course! He says.

See, Stella. This man is so nice and he just wants to please you and help you. Just breathe. Use this as a practice for meditation.

Oh my god. But this guy doesn't know what he's doing. Now I'm really sure.

So what should I do, stop this? I've never had to stop a massage.

Once he moves up to the back it will get better. Just hang in there.

Hang in there? But this is supposed to feel good and I'm coaching myself through this. WTF?

Chill out, Stella. Acknowledge these thoughts, but focus on your breath.

Breathing.

Did he hands just squeeze my neck so hard that my air passage was slightly blocked?

Yes. Ok. That's it. I'm stopping this.

But it will hurt his feelings. He seems so nice and is doing his best.

So what? You have to do what's right for you. And if you stop, maybe he'll realize he should go back to school or communicate more with his clients. This may help him in some way.

But maybe in Jamaica they don't have such rigorous training. Maybe he needs this job really bad and I might get him in trouble. You only have 20 minutes left.

Are you really having this conversation right now?

Yes.

And I feel more tense than when I came in. This is not serving me.

I sat up. Sir, I'm sorry. This does not feel good to me at all. I'd like to stop this.

It was hard to face him after the massage. But I did. I thanked him for what he had done and said it just was not right for me. The staff asked, so I gave some constructive feedback.

Without my saying a word, I got another massage therapist immediately for an hour. She was great. I still spent some of the time battling between slight guilt for shocking the young man on his performance, and pride that I did what served me best.

The lesson we all know, but that got further affirmed through experience is: if I don't stand up for what I need, who will? So my question to you is... do you suck it up and accept less-the-best for you? If you asked for medium-rare and it's well-done, do you send it back? It's sometimes harder to choose higher and ask for it...especially, if it doesn't come the first time around. But know that asking for what you deserve isn't bad or mean as long as you do it with good intention and grace. This is about justice, people!

I'd love to hear stories or comments about choosing or not choosing to suck it up. Do share!

Best,
Stella

Workin' BAD for the Money

According to an MIT study (and several others) dangling the carrot doesn't work - more reward, more mulla, actually inhibit creativity and productivity. In his latest book, DRIVEN, Daniel Pink discusses the new operating system we should all be considering as we enter the age of right-brain economics.

Here are three main points Pink discusses in a fantastic talk at TED:
1. There is a mismatch between what science knows and what business does. MIT, The London School of Economics, and several other institutions have conducted experiments proving that what companies do to motivate their workforce does NOT work.

2. Increasing incentive (offering more reward or money) decreases performance. At least when the work involves some thinking and creativity. Incentive does help improve performance when it comes to simple, mechanical tasks - but that's not really the bulk of what we deal with, anyway. MIT conducted an experiment. If you ask two groups to solve a problem. The group offered incentive to solve the problem faster will perform less well than the other.

3. Meaning, Autonomy, and Mastery are the currency that motivate workers today. Sure, getting paid a fair wage is VERY important. But the work has to mean something to the worker. Give your employees some sense of control. For example, Google lets its workers spend 20% of their time on anything they want. It's from this free time that 50% of Google's innovations spawn - like GMAIL.

Anyway, you can watch Pink's video and read his books for the sources and research.


But here's my two cents on why this happens. Which, perhaps Pink goes into in his new book but since I have only seen his TED conference video, forgive me if I think I'm being original here.

I believe that rather than see the reward as a reward, a worker actually sees it as a potential LOSS. Meaning, "If I don't do this fast enough, I'll LOSE the $20 bonus I can receive." The effect of narrowed thinking is what happens when one experiences negative emotion and fear (Fredrickson, 2009). I bet that it's fear of loss versus motivation to win which causes the less-than-effective thinking.

Barry Schwartz, author of the Paradox of Choice, gave us a lecture the other day about human beings actually put more weight into potential loss than potential gain. We'd rather NOT LOSE than gain something. This is called prospect theory. It constantly affects the way we make decisions. Sometimes, the way something is framed - can affect our interpretation of it as a potential loss or a potential gain. Here's an example Schwartz included in his presentation:

Imagine yourself having just been given $500. Which of these two possibilities would you prefer?

[A] A sure loss of $100

[B] A loss of $200 with probability .5, and a loss of $0 with probability .5

Most people answer choose [A]. Because it sounds like less of a loss. But you're more likely to come out on top if you choose [B].

Lastly, time pressure and performance pressure does impact performance, so I'd like to look further into the research to learn what factors they controlled for in making this big claim to fame.


Much love,
S


For more info read Driven, by Daniel Pink, and The Paradox of Choice, by Barry Schwartz.

You can watch Dan Pink's TED talk here:
Dan Pink on the surprising science of motivation | Video on TED.com

You can watch Barry Schwartz giving a fascinating TED talk about choice here:
Barry Schwartz on the paradox of choice | Video on TED.com