Permission to Fumble

You know when you know something but just can't find the right words to articulate it? Or the right thoughts? But, you know that there's something there - whether it's a feeling you can't quite place, or a hunch of a good idea. This post is about giving yourself permission to fumble through the thick of it so you can land in a place of improved clarity. The key to fumbling as elegantly as possible - is to do the following:

1. Identify a "safe" person(s) to fumble with. By safe, I mean someone who is a good listener, non-judgmental, and authentically has your interests in mind. Even better if they're not vested in the outcome of what you're fumbling with.

2. Ask your safe person(s) for permission to fumble through and request what you need of them. "I just need you to listen." "Tell me what you hear me saying." "I don't know what I'm getting at...but think there's something, can you help me clarify?"

3. Pay attention to the mirror, mirror, on the wall. Face the fact that you might not actually want to hear what's coming out of your mouth. So really listen to what your safe listener is playing back for you.

4. Take mental or physical notes and then let some time pass. Let your subconscious speed up to your conscious. Your brain has wheels turning that our out of your control - and those parts work wonders. It's what happens when the AHA pops up. The best way to let that happen is to switch your attention to something other than what you're trying to resolve. Take a break.

5. Repeat this cycle with another safe person (s), or advance to the party that may be involved in either developing your idea or working through the issue you have.

Innovation, growth, progress only happen when we give ourselves permission to take risks into the unknown.

Peace.
S

For Penis People, Too

In the book, The Heroine's Journey, Maureen Murdoch describes women's process to rediscovering and owning their Feminine. I'm not talking wearing mascara here, I'm talking being hard-core in touch with what makes females different from those with a penis.

The book is a bit much for me at times, but usually when that happens, I know there's some wisdom. One of the biggest take-away's I got from this book was language to describe the intangible process of growth - and the uncertainty, discomfort, and all-that-jazz that comes with it.

Sometimes, the most profound or liberating experience is not the experience itself, but discovering the words to that experience. This means what our subconscious knows, pops to the forefront into our conscious in a rational way, in a code we can understand. It's "AHA! That's what was going on." Having language for something not only helps one integrate one's own stuff, but it also makes it easier for us to empathize with others, relate, and help them unlock the truth of their journey as well.

The language that clicked for me when reading Murdoch's books is: Hold the tension.

Hold the tension means you are courageously standing in a state of in-between. You are on your way towards something new and better but meanwhile, may be in the dark, shivering, chilled to the bone.

Hold the tension means you trust that beyond the point where you can see, there is growth and greatness.

Hold the tension means that you don't just "get over it" or "ignore" your current reality, you let it massage you until a new you is released.

Hold the tension is not passive in the least - it's active acceptance of the NOW.

Hold the tension is that annoying state that people often describe as "you gotta be uncomfortable to grow."

Holding the tension is also about patience and healing without judging. Right now I have a cold. I can't sleep. Sure, it sucks. Sure, I'm doing what I can, but I'm also relinquishing to my body to do what it's got to do. I'm not judging or bitching (fine, maybe just a few grumbles to myself)

While holding the tension can feel a bit tortuous, it's for your long term good. It's like the discomfort of doing a detox cleanse, or navigating the terrain of a budding relationship, or not eating that chocolate cake despite every cell in your body saying "I want you."

Therefore, Hold the tension applies to transformational growth in addition to the mundane.

Hold the tension is a brave surrender to "everything will be okay." Even though right now things feel uncertain, uncomfortable, painful, or whatever.

Here's the final kicker - whether you want to do it or not, holding the tension is something you can't avoid. Sure you might be in denial, avoiding, regressing to old patterns or whatever for now - but whether you want to or not - experiences will most likely continue to surface demanding this state from you, demanding you to be a better you.

Here's to all you courageous people!

Best
S