Are you chewing yourself a new one?

It's now 1:19am. At about 1:10am I was chewing myself a new one. Here's a glimpse of the conversation I noticed in my head:

"Stella. (Okay, I don't talk to myself in the 2nd person, but will for effect here). It's 1am again! Haven't you made a commitment to yourself like a million times that you were going to go to bed earlier? I mean really, did you need to stay up watching Sex in the City, again?"

PAUSE.

"Stella. What is the big deal here? Are you really having this thought? Are you seriously beating yourself up right now for not getting to bed earlier on a holiday weekend?!?"

Perhaps it was yoga on Friday, or maybe my turning a year older last week, or maybe my practing self acceptance recently, or even the $50,000 I paid to learn about positive psychology - but whatever it was or is - the capacity to PAUSE, NOTICE, and re-direct my thoughts is the key to IT. Whatever it means.

We have about 60,000 thoughts a day. Most thoughts for most people are fast. We're so used to the noise of thoughts that it's easy to not pay attention to them. But tonight I did. I isolated a self defeating whisper that was not so much about going to bed early as it was on the gravy train toward undermining my self efficacy.

So I pulled the breaks as soon as I noticed and thought something like this instead: "So what? Maybe, you actually like going to bed late. Maybe you should F routine. You're not a routine, regular type of gal. You don't fold your shirts the same way, you enjoy wearing mismatching socks for the fun of it, so stop trying to act like an anal A job."

Standing up for myself and my behavior instead of judging it made me feel lighter. Why hadn't I thought to do that before?

This whole mental experience happened in a matter of seconds. But it's the capacity to tune into the chatter and transform the non-supporting thoughts that can change your life. Or at least, help you sleep a little better.


With much love,
S

Mindful Multi-tasking...Am I Brilliant or Kidding Myself?

I'm eating chocolate, doing laundry, facebooking, editing a paper, blogging, and watching the Olympics.

What does Positive Psychology say about multi-tasking?

Hmmm...I don't know. But let me talk about mindfulness.

If I am eating chocolate mindlessly yet am mindful that I am eating the chocolate in such a way, where am I? Let's see...

Mindfulness creates a space, a distance, between the “self” and the contents of one’s consciousness which includes thoughts, emotions, motives, one’s behavior, and the world (Maddux, 2009).

In this space, a flexibility imbues the individual, opening one up to novelty, sensitivity to context, and engagement with the present (Langer, 2009). Because we're open, mindfulness enables us to best deal with the inevitable uncertainties of life.

Still with me?

According to Barbara Fredrickson (2009), mindfulness is the gateway to optimism and positive emotion: “once you deliberately cultivate openness [via mindfulness], positivity follows automatically, along with its broaden-and-build entourage.”

Well, that's a plus! (pun intended).

Fredrickson further discusses how mindfulness is linked with resilience; because it is more grounded in the present, when mindful, an individual is less concerned or worried about the future. They don’t overgeneralize or overreact.

Jon Kabat-Zinn, the first Western scientist to teach and apply Eastern mindfulness practices to his medical patients using a methodology called, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), discusses mindfulness as a non-judgmental attending to one’s inner experience with full awareness (Fredrickson, 2009).

For example, if one has a negative thought, in a mindful state, one can step back, accept the thought as just a thought, and not give into it.

AHA! This means I AM being mindful of my behavior right now and without slapping myself on the wrist, can step back and say, "enough, Stella, hide the chocolate!"

Here's where it gets interesting...

Over 25 years of studies reveal that mindfulness contributes to greater competence, health and longevity, positive affect, creativity, charisma, and reduced burnout (Langer, 1989, 1997).

In fact, mindfulness helps you experience less stress, less pain, reduced anxiety, clearer skin, and better immune functioning.

It's like vitamins, birth control pills, exercise, and pro-biotics all rolled into one!

Furthermore, it’s been proven that mindfulness training affects your brain; it reduces activity in circuits linked with negativity and increases activity in circuits linked with positivity (Fredrickson, 2009).

The opposite of mindfulness is mindlessness, going on automatic pilot. Most of the time we are mindless (Langer, 2009). Langer describes that mindlessness occurs in two forms: 1)through repetition such as driving the same route home and 2) Through single exposure of information such as when we blindly accept information without questioning it when presented by “authority” figures. So beware!

What can you do to be more mindful?

1. Meditate! Not sure how? Listen to Gabrielle Bernstein's guided meditations on iTunes.

2. When in conversation with someone, LISTEN to what they're saying instead of thinking about you're going to say or planning your grocery list.

3. Doing "mindless" tasks? NEVER! Even simple things like LAUNDRY can be done mindfully. Pay attention to the task at hand. For example, consider how amazing it is that you just have to press a button and presto, your clothing gets washed. Pay attention to how deliciously warm your clothing feels when it comes out of the dryer. Be HERE.

And yes, it's probably best to not do your laundry, blog, watch the Olympics, eat chocolate, facebook, and write a paper at the same time.

More mindfully now, with love,
Stella


References

Fredrickson, B. (2009). Positivity. New York: Crown Publisher.

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003), "Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future," Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice 10:144-56.

Langer, E. (2009). Mindfulness Versus Positive Evaluation. In Lopez, J. & Snyder, C. R. (Eds.), Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology (pp. 279-293). New York: Oxford University Press.

Maddux, J. E. (2009). Self-efficacy: The power of believing you can. In Snyder, C. R., & Lopez, S. J. (Eds.), Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, 2nd ed. (pp. 335-343). New York: Oxford University Press.